she's going camping with some friends. she didn't invite me. i asked her why and she said 'well you wouldn't have any fun.'


you know what? fuck you, deja

2008 sucks.

2008 has proved to be one of the worst years I have ever seen. It is only five months old and I have already lost my two most important friends. My best bud died unexpectedly in February and now I feel like my girlfriend is drifting away to a distance I may never bring her back. We have been together for seven years. She went to New York with one of her friends and was gone for our anniversary. Maybe we have never really celebrated it, but it is always nice to get a 'I love you' and a hug on that day. She didn't even text message me. I sent her a big message telling her how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. The next day she responded with 'the message was sweet, thanks.' When I picked her up from the airport I had bought her a basket of flowers as a welcome home gift. She looked at them and said 'oh are those for me. thanks i guess.' she said her reaction was less than enthusiastic because she was tired, which is understandable after flying all night. we got in an argument on the phone yesterday. She is leaving town (again) for two or three weeks in June to teach a summer camp. when she gets back she will be leaving again for 3 months (at least) to work at Yellowstone National Park. I keep telling her that I want to hang out with her and go do something but she has been too busy with her other friends. Her response is 'maybe tomorrow.'

During our argument I asked her "when is the last time you said 'I love you' and didn't have to think about it?" she didn't have an answer. I don't know. maybe I just can't take a hint. maybe she just wants new car smell. it drives me crazy. I really feel like I'm losing my mind when I think about this.

sleep will not come to this tired body now
peace will not come to this lonely heart
there are some things i'll live without
but i want you to know that i need you right now
i need you tonite
i steal a kiss from her sleeping shadow moves
cause i'll always miss her wherever she goes
and i'll always need her more than she could ever need me
i need someone to ease my mind
but sometimes a someone is so hard to find
and i'll do anything to keep her here tonite
and i'll say anything to make her feel alright
and i'll be anything to keep her here tonite
cause i want you to stay, with me
i need you tonite
she comes to me like an angel out of time
as i play the part of a saint on my knees
there are some things i'll live without
but i want you to know that i need you right now
suffer my desire for you